My story is fairly boring…I was a kid who grew up in a predominantly white, middle-class community in the suburbs of Boston. I played baseball in the spring, basketball or soccer in the fall, played an instrument in the band and had an easy time getting straight “A’s” on my report cards. I was a band geek, played some baseball and hockey and never touched alcohol or drugs or cigarettes. My grades were very good and I was accepted by ‘early decision’ into the only college I applied to. I had my life figured out. I was 17 years old and was going into the pre-med program at Gordon College to become a cardio-thoracic surgeon. Life was good!
There are times when I’d like to say that I had a really rocky upbringing. I’ve been jealous at times hearing these great, powerful stories of conversion and how God used someone to do great things. That just wasn’t my reality. See, I was raised in a Christian home by two parents who loved God and were active in the church. My Dad had been my Sunday School teacher for a number of years and I don’t ever remember complaining about going to church. I guess I accepted Jesus into my heart around the age of 7. I don’t really remember it being a big deal. Business as usual I guess. I was a good kid who went to church and memorized my Bible verses and knew the basics of my beliefs.
College, as it turns out was vastly different from high school in that I actually needed to study to get passing grades. And apparently you can’t become a surgeon without first knowing how to calculate the theoretical weight of sub-atomic particles. Yes, I failed chemistry…three times! My world got rocked to the core…I wasn’t going to be a surgeon and no idea what to do. I looked for the easiest possible route to a degree and I switched to a music major. Guess what? That requires a lot of practice…I didn’t have time for that. I was busy hitting home runs for the baseball team and partying with my athlete buddies – oh, I guess I forgot to mention that I tried alcohol for the first time…and liked it. So I studied less and partied more. Someone pointed out one time that it is ironic that I didn’t touch alcohol until I went to a Christian college. My grades were terrible, I became ineligible to play baseball, so I dropped out of school and went to work full time.
I’m going to fast forward over a number of years that found me getting married and moving to NJ. I won’t skip over my wife though. Amy and I met in college and were friends before we started dating. What she saw in me I’ll never know, but after a difficult first year of marriage, we were very happy! Amy is a missionary kid and as far as I was concerned, had this spiritual stuff all figured out. During the years when we met and got married, I grew closer to God and built a bit of a relationship. Amy and I were trying to find a church to attend in the Boston area and found that we weren’t able to ride on our parent’s coattails any more. We had to have our own relationship with God. But I didn’t take it seriously. We moved to NJ to be near Amy’s family and the most involved I got was singing in the church choir and acting in Christmas plays/musicals.
That’s when things got bad for me. I was lazy and found myself caught up in some things I’m not proud of. I also served on the missions board at church but didn’t perform my duties well and then tried to cover it up by lying. I was struggling to find a job I liked and got lazy about everything. I felt like my life was spinning out of control. I remember being in tears on my back patio on a rainy night with my father-in-law and brother-in-law trying to make some sense of what had happened to me. But I prayed – and Amy prayed for me.
Then God got me – I don’t really know how, believe me, I’ve tried to understand. I went to counseling and got more involved at church. We got into a very good small group and God changed me. Amy and I even applied to go work for FamilyLife…but it was the start of what God was doing in our lives – most especially mine. We moved to a new church where there were opportunities to get involved and we have. Thanks to my brother-in-law, I started thinking differently about my faith and my relationship with God and the church. It has been an enjoyable, yet sometimes painful journey.
My faith, God – they were always “there” but I think that I took it all for granted. I did that a lot growing up – take things for granted I mean. Decent family life, good house, good friends, didn’t get into trouble…dare I say I didn’t see a need for God other than to know I was playing for the right team should something tragic happen. "You're right - you had a very average life." I know you're thinking it! But here's what took me so many years to figure out...God's love and grace isn't only for the people who do drugs, commit murder, cheat on their wives or break into banks. His love and grace is for everybody - even those who lead fairly plain, ordinary lives.
So why did I tell you all about my failures? I wasn’t in jail, I didn’t do drugs. My sins were private for the most part and I know I’m not the only one who has struggled with those types of things. BUT I STILL NEEDED GOD! I was a good kid, a good teenager, I’m a good father and husband…BUT I STILL NEED GOD! I’ve been through a lot. I experienced the pain and consequences of sin and today God is blessing me and I pray will continue to. My story started out so ordinary – so very bland – so unexceptional. But throughout the Bible I read about people who were average and God used them in extraordinary ways. I can’t be used at all if I’m not willing to take a risk and stop living so safe.
So why did I tell you all about my failures? I wasn’t in jail, I didn’t do drugs. My sins were private for the most part and I know I’m not the only one who has struggled with those types of things. BUT I STILL NEEDED GOD! I was a good kid, a good teenager, I’m a good father and husband…BUT I STILL NEED GOD! I’ve been through a lot. I experienced the pain and consequences of sin and today God is blessing me and I pray will continue to. My story started out so ordinary – so very bland – so unexceptional. But throughout the Bible I read about people who were average and God used them in extraordinary ways. I can’t be used at all if I’m not willing to take a risk and stop living so safe.
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| Kevin, Amy, Katie, Amanda & AJ |
